Nikki

The year was 2004. Vinny and I already had eight kids between the two of us. Morgan was getting ready for his last year of high school. He was the last one standing. Dang it felt good. So - a life of ease and comfort sounded pretty darn good. Until...

We happened to be on the internet one day - and I was looking at some pictures of an orphanage in Stavropol, Russia. As I was going through the pictures, just looking and my heart aching for these children, suddendly I saw this girl. A beautiful girl with haunting eyes. She looked so scared and unsure. I could not look away from those eyes. Vinny and I had known a family that had adopted two little boys from Russia - but they were babies. And we were older. So, I had thought I would take a look. But to find that little girl that fast - was something that I really didn't expect.

The first thing I did was to call Vinny up from his office. At the time, he worked from home. I showed him the picture of this little girl - nine year old "Katja". He looked at her. And then he looked at me. "Could you love her?" he asked? The question burned deep into my heart. Could I? I kept looking at her, with tears in my eyes, pretty sure right then that I already did. Love is a funny thing you know. It can grab you by the heart when you are least expecting it.

Vinny and I really started talking seriously about adopting. I kept looking at that little girl every day. We told our grown children, and got mixed reviews. "Oh, you are too old", we were told. Others told us that we had enough kids and didn't need anymore. All were valid points, and we listened to all. One earnestly told us that they would support us through anything we wanted to do.

So, we started to pray. And to fast. We prayed and fasted for a long time. We went to the Temple and poured our hearts out to Heavenly Father about adoption. We started wondering if we were talking ourselves into something. And then the miracle came.

We were sitting in church a few Sundays later, and it was a combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting. We were watching a video. President Hinckley was speaking, and it was all about adoption!! Most of it was about babies, but he ended it with something like "if you have room in your hearts to adopt, and the means to do so - I would encourage all that can to adopt."

Vinny and I sat there with tears streaming down our faces. We had been told. Now, it was time to find out if that hauntingly
beautiful girl on the computer was real, if she was really up for adoption. We started calling the adoption agency listed the next day. They carefully explained that the picture was maybe a year old, and maybe someone had already adopted her, and it could be possible that she was just there for a camera picture to show that children are there for adoption.

I knew different. I felt it in my heart. Many nights, as I looked at her, my heart would literally ache, wondering -is she cold, is she hungry? Did she have a bed to sleep in?? She was so thin in her picture, and even though they had tried to "dress her up" with a dress and a doll, you could tell the conditions around her were not good. I worried over her.

We started the adoption proceedings. We knew that this was going to be a long journey. We were told it would take up to two years at the longest. And - at worst, we could get there, and she would be gone. The prayers to Heavenly Father were daily and intense on her behalf.

Then, another miracle. Somehow, someone at the adoption agency got someone from Russia to send some more pictures of this little girl!! We were so excited!! They told us to be cautious, but we threw caution to the wind, and we delighted in the pure joy of seeing more of her! We also noticed that there were a few pictures of her that showed her with another girl. We had no clue who that was, but we were so happy to see this little girl.

We talked about names for her. If the adoption went through, would she want to change her name? We were already calling her Nikki. I don't know why - we just were. She was our Nikki bug, and thats all there was to it.

So the real test started. Paper work and paper work and paper work. It was unending and unnerving. There were times we honestly felt like giving up - there was so much red tape on BOTH sides of the two countries. The money involved was ridiculous, and everyone and their attorney wanted paycheck after paycheck after payckheck. Sometimes it was a pure mess, and required all day work. Vinny had the brunt of this part of the operation, and I stood by his side and cheered him on. We carefully tried to make sure every single paper was done correctly, but at times got very discouraged, because they would send papers back to us. Who were "they"? The government, the agency, the Russian Federation. All over a little nine year old girl who just needed a family to love her. What had we gotton ourselves into?

The process had started in March. We really pushed and pushed the agency. I think they got tired of my endless calls.. reminding them of this or that, or asking impatienly for things I knew they couldn't do for me right then. I was like a lion, trying to protect her cubs.

We were finally told that sometime in June or July we would be able to fly over there for our first visit to Russia to see the orphanges. They were VERY careful to explain that maybe Nikki would not be there, that there would be many orphanages to see, and many children to choose from. We would be flying into Moscow, and from there take a three hour flight into Stavropol, Russia. From there, we would drive a three hour drive to a town called Bohlsha Dolhgah. We were delirious with joy. FINALLY! And March to June was NOT a long time. Our friends who had adopted the two little boys were amazed. They didn't get their first trip for months and months. Through our journey with the adoption agency we had met other couples adopting, and they had been waiting a very long time. They were all shocked and happy at our news!

I went on a wild spending spree, buying clothes for this nine year old who looked like she was six. I bought shoes. I had no idea what size she was - so I guessed. I bought her some toys.. some hair pieces, and things like that. I was on cloud nine. I was already starting to pack, and we weren't even leaving for about six weeks.

So, six weeks before we left, as usual, I was sitting on the internet looking at this sweet angel's face again, and suddenly, out of no where, (literally) up popped this tiny, beautiful, scared to death, blonde, hazel eyed six year old. She had bruises everywhere. I gasped. The poor thing looked like she wanted to bolt. Like she trusted no one. "Get off the computer, Dana", my mind said... but I couldn't. All I could do was call Vinny. He would be home in fifteen minutes he said.

And that.. starts a whole different story.