The Piano

Music is very important to me. I have played the piano most of my life. I know how to read music - and play by ear. Although I sadly admit that I used to play very good by reading - my VERY favorite is to sit and compose by ear - and over the years, I do that more and more. Music is just in me. I have two piano's at my house. A digital baby grand, with all the bells and whistles, that help you write the music that you hear in your heart and soul. I have another beautiful upright one hundred year old oak piano that is absolutely gorgeous because I like to collect antiques. Music. To me there is nothing better.

When we went to Russia, I took some song books to play to the children. I so wanted them (all the orphanages) to hear happy songs, and for my three little bugs- to know that music would be an important part of their life. So, I carefully selected the pieces that I wanted to play for my new daughters.

On our first trip there, while we were waiting in the gymnasium for Cami, there was an old, used piano in the corner. It was the one that when Cami came to the room, I took her to it, and sang, "Can't help falling in love" on. She listened carefully - and tried to play back. You could tell Cami loved the song. AND, she loved music. I wanted to play more, but it was obvious that we were not to play, they were displeased with that. We were "disturbing" the others. So, that is the only song I got to play for Cami.

When we got to Aliana and Nikki's Detsky Dom, I looked in vain for a piano. There was none to be found. So I asked around. I was heartbroken when I heard they did not have a piano. No piano?? How could it be?? There had to be a piano for them!! It was kind of funny in a way, because they had an old karaoke machine, which they loved, and certain children would sing, which I will tell you about later, but there was no piano.

I am a freight broker by trade. I retired about a year and a half ago. I moved freight all over the United States. So - when I heard there was no piano - my brain instantly started thinking of who I knew back home and how I could get a piano back over here to this detsky dom. Now- thinking of this, I can see the absurdity of it all, but at the time, I was trying so hard to get something I just wanted them to have for that orphanage, for the children.

I remember Vinny and I driving home that first night from meeting Nikki. We talked about no piano. I told him of the thoughts I had on it. I was really struggling with this one. Vinny told me not to worry, Heavenly Father was ever mindful of us. His whole theme throughout this process was "DO NOT FORGET THE CHILDREN". He is so logical and I am so emotional. At anyrate - we talked about it.

When we got back to the hotel, I remember that we knelt down and in fervent prayer we asked our Heavenly Father to somehow help us get this orphanage a piano. I knew that we would be returning there in three or four months to claim the girls as our own, and I pleaded with the Lord that this might happen by the time that we return. I didn't have a clue how it would be done, I realistically knew that my freight brokering couldn't help do anything in Russia - but I could pray, and pray I did.

We returned the next day, after another three hour ride. We were able to be with the children and see Nikki and even had a chance to visit with Fatima (Aliana) who we had still be praying about also. SUDDENLY, out of the blue, the director came running down the hall! She was VERY excited. She had just received a phone call from the director of a University. Seems there was a family that had to move immediatly and they had an old piano. They had called the University and asked if they could buy it. The University was short of funds. Hearing of the American's at the Orphanage, they had called the director, and asked her if she could use a piano! WE WERE FLO"ORED!!! I absolutely could not believe what I was hearing!! She beamed at us. "Could we purchase the piano for them" She inquired? Could we!! YES!!!!!! We immediately gave her the three hundred dollars on the spot - she was so very excited - as were we! The feeling and the spirit there was somthing I will have a hard time understanding or ever forgetting. I know that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ AND the Holy Ghost worked hand in hand to make that happen at that time that day.I was so happy to be a part of that. Here I was asking Heavenly Father to help me make this happen in three months from now - and He did it over night. What a miracle! I was shaking and crying. Not only that - but they offered to bring the piano immediately. After a few bumps in the road, the piano was delivered a few weeks later. When we returned to pick the girls up and bring them home, we were able to see the piano that the Lord had delivered to this orphanage, and we were overcome again with emotions. It was a beautiful sight. I sat and played and played, and the children did not want me to stop - even when I became nervous~! lol. I do know that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers and that miracles have not ceased. I witnessed one literally overnight!

Back for our 2nd day with Nikki June 25th 2004

Up again today and back to the Detsky Dom! We were going to return with presents bought the night before. The ride was still as long and hard, but we were as excited as the day before. We really liked both Alex's, and Michael, and it was fun talking to them about our experiences. They had listened to us talk about Fatima on the way home last night, and now - they were offering up advice on her and telling us things about her. Then they would hurry and go back to talking in Russian almost as if they didn't want us to understand. They did however, understand that we were interested in her.

Nikki came running out of no-where, grabbing me. "My Mamma"! She exclaimed, much to my delight! She was stilll in the same clothes that I had put on her the previous day. She must have really liked them, or had been afraid to take them off, for fear they would be taken away. She smelled a bit ripe in them, but she still looked adorable, and I was so so happy to see her. We sat and played and talked with her for a bit and then Alex motioned us into the Directors room.

Alex (the translator and coordinator) had us sit down. His wife Luba was in the room also. Alex suddenly reached over into Luba's purse and pulled out two vials or bottles. You could tell it was for bloodwork. The director started to talk fast, and Alex and Luba interpreted that Fatima was sick, and that they needed to re-test her. We were dumbfounded.

Let me back up a bit. The night before we left for Russia, our Bishop came over and gave us both a blessing. In Vinny's blessing, he was told that he would have to make a very hard and serious decision regarding a third child over in Russia. I don't remember the exact wording of the blessing, I did not write it down. But it was something to that extent. Now, suddenly, after talking to these new people we had met traveling on the way home from an orpanage, they had literally taken it to heart - (as we may have thought we had) and came prepared!!

They then left the room, and we asked the director a lot of questions about Nikki and Fatima. I will call Fatima Aliana from now on. The story of how all the names changed will follow later. So, we sat and chatted via translation with Michael about Nikki and Aliana. We searched for answers. We were told the girls differences.. and their likes. We were told they were very good friends.

Later, when we had a chance, we pulled Nikki asie, and asked her if she wanted to come home with us and be our duaghter. We told her about her american name - Nikki - she was absolutely FINE with it. We told her if she wanted to keep her Russian name she could. She emphatically said NYET!!. So, with that, our daughter, Olivia Nicole was born (aka Nikki). She seemeed so happy - like she was crawling out of old skin - and getting rid of something she didn't want to be in. It started happening in front of our eyes! It was amazing. Suddenly - during our "talk" - the door burst open, and another girl ran in and excitedly told our interpreter Luba something. Then she left. Luba was laughing, telling us that the young lady had told her that the rest of the orphanage girls had given their "permission" for Aliana to come to America too! HAHAHAHAH! We were stunned! It seemed the walls had ears. =)
Back to Nikki - she answered Dah to all our questions, YES, YES, she wanted to come home with us. She was in much need of a loving home enviroment (aren't they all?) .

We were once again treated to lunch - it was the same simple feast as the day before. The jolly head cook, laughed and hugged me. She then shyly asked us to buy her a bread slicer, and when she heard that we would, I got another kiss right dab on the smacker! Quite a sight!

I'm ending this post now - because the story that follow's is so special - it has to have a post all of it's own.

Until next time.........

Riding home from meeting Nikki

As I said - we got in the van and pulled away, with Nikki waving goodbye. What a day it had been. We didn't even want to leave - we had only been allowed to spend about three hours there, but the ride was three hours there, and three hours back to the hotel. So leave we must.

On the way back, we were silent for a bit, each reflecting on what we had seen and heard. And then, we couldn't stop talking. The words just kept coming faster, louder, furiously. We both LOVED that orphanage. There had been such a sweet spirit there. We had liked Cami's orphanage, but it had seemed so cold and callouse compared to this one. It's not that it was better furnished, Cami's was. But this one had a spirit of comraderee' and togetherness, and love. The walls felt cold - but the spirit was there. We had been so touched. And Nikki. I now understood how and why this little child had called to me thousands of miles across the ocean - halfway around the world. She was as endearing to me as anything real and full of love in my life. It was if I already KNEW her. I was certain of that. She had called me, I had heard her, and I had come. And now, she was mine. Paperwork or no paperwork, (which there was to be much more of) that girl was mine.

So we talked. And we talked. Then we talked some more. So much had been said about Nikki and the orphanage and the youth and the surroundings, the people, the dogs, the everything. We were mad, sad, that we didn't know Nikki had sisters. We expressed every emotion you could have on that trip home. We fell silent, and I know at that time, Vinny was thinking exactly what I was thinking.

FATIMA. He opened his mouth and started to talk about how she had smiled and waved in the camara. Then he showed me the video. I was mesmerized. She was beyond beautiful, and she had a cool air of confidence around her at the orpahange. But the video clip showed her sweet little self, with that half smile and a wave of a hand. So, the discussion began about adopting Fatima. "NO!!!" all my senses reasoned. Three would be way too many. I had come looking for one... now I had two, and now three??? How could I possibly do this? How could WE possibly do this?? So, on that three hour drive home, Vinny and I discussed the pro's and con's of adopting this additional little girl. Alex, our interpreter, seemed to be listening, because his wife Luba suddenly cut in and told us "no - you don't want her, she is sick. You can't take her home". We were like "huh"? Nothing like that had ever stopped us before, and it was almost at that moment, we were determined that we would really look into the possibility of adopting her. Before long, we were back at the hotel, tired and sore, from a long day.
As we drove up to the hotel, we again saw two more Elders walking down the streets of Stavropol!! They had their backs turned to us, and we didn't know if they were the same Elders that we had met at the zoo, but what a joy again nonetheless. The ones we had met when we had been with Cami were from Rexburg Idaho and Portland Oregon. I was so humbled once again.

At any rate, we got back to the hotel, and decided to go walking. We ventured out a little ways, and walked through a very old town that had been established in 1775. It was starting to rain a bit... so we turned back and went to the Galleria (the Mall). We did some shopping for the next day, where I picked up some lotion, deoderant, games, candy, apples and cookies for the orphanage. They had a Dominoes Pizza there! HAH! So we ordered a pizza, and decided to head back to our hotel.
We got to the doors of the Galleria, and we couldn't believe it. There was a flash flood - intense lightening thunderstorm. It was delightful and amazing. Our hotel wasn't that far away - but it was far enough away to get extremely soaked. So we waited for a bit to see if it would let up. It didn't. When it showed no signs of letting up, run we did, with gifts and pizza in arms! It was absolutely breathtaking. We were soaked clear through within seconds, and in some areas the water was to our knees. I can't believe I didn't slip and fall, for I am known for such things. It was so wet and slippery. We arrived back at the hotel, sopping wet, shivering, and everyone staring. We laughed, we didn't care. That was fun!

We sat down and enjoyed a littel supper - the pizza was very different from American pizza. We were so exhausted. We took a long hot hot bath. After that, we decided that it was time to kneel down and pray over this little girl, Fatima, and ask Heavenly Father what He thought of us taking her home. Our prayers were intense, and real, We wanted to know. We also wanted to know if we were biting off more than we could chew, and were we just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? The Spirit seemed to reassure us that all was well, and we felt very comforted. We fell asleep immediately. Anther day, never to forget, always to remember!!

Nikki's Detsky Dom

After about fifteen minutes, Vinny and Michael joined Nikki and myself. We were given a hurried tour of the building that she lived in. From what I could tell, there were about three-four buildings that the children had access to, but I'm not sure of the details of them. Translation was sketchy at best. We did learn that Alex, our translator, had been on a duck hunt one day, and had run across this orphanage by accident. Not many people even knew of it's existance. We had absolute divine intervention on even finding this little girl.

I remembered the little girl that we had seen in some of the pictures that the adoption agency had sent us back in the states, who had been photographed with Nikki, and wondered if we would run into her. I kept my eyes open for her, at least wanting to meet her. There were so many children, watching our every move, it was difficult. We didn't get to spend much needed alone time with Nikk - which was sad because we had to drive three hours there and three hours back to Stavropol. As we walked through the halls of the orpahange, I could tell it was very clean, almost sterile smelling. We were lead to the bathrooms they had reserved for us. They were obviously Russian bathrooms, (and we beforehand, brought American toilet paper, yeah!) with course brown paper in them. The children were to use the holes outside, but that was what they were used to. I felt sorry for them, but it was their way of life and they didn't know any other. I met the cook, who was a jovial woman who was cheerful and happy as could be in spite of her circumstances, and she came and kissed me square on my lips! I was a bit taken back, but she was a breath of fresh air! The director was also very likable, and you could tell she really cared for the children.

We were put in a room - and Svet, Natasha and Nikki were there. I had some deoderant, lotion and things like that, and I had originally planned on leaving them just for Nikki. But I saw everyone's eyes bugging out, so I took the girls, and started to put the lotion on them. Just as I turned to get something else, Vinny said quietly, "Dana, look". I turned around, and there were about twenty five to thirty girls watching our every move from the doorway. They were clustered there, trying to look over each others shoulders. I also saw the girl in the picture with Nikki. Her name was Fatima. She was right smack dab in the middle. Vinny had our video camera going. He and I thought at the same time to go to the girls, and put lotion on them. So, I grabbed a bottle of lotion, and walked over to them. I put a generous amount on each girls arm, (there were a couple of boys there also!) and they were giggling like all get out!! The most remarkable thing that I saw, was that they just stood there and rubbed so slow and for so long, as if to savour the moment forever. I vowed that when I returned to Stavropol that evening, I would buy more lotion for those girls, and give it to them the next day, as we were coming back for one more day. As the girls stood there rubbing the lotion in, Vinny panned the camera into Fatima, and did a close up on her. She smiled this engaging smile, and put her cute little hand up and waved by her face. Vinny was instantly captivated. "Oh, you're gonna break my heart"! he exclaimed. I didn't really get to see that until later, because I was really really busy with the other girls.

The next thing I noticed immediately, was the teenagers, hot air, and no deoderant do NOT mix. WHEW! To the gang there, it mattered not, they were so conditioned to the smell. And it was not just the teenagers. It was everyone. I had to really try not to gag at certain times. So I mentally made a list for things to bring back. The girls and guys were dressed up in somewhat modern clothes. They were trying so hard to watch everything I was doing. I was heartsick. I was so overjoyed to be there with Nikki, yet the cloud that hang over me was one of despair knowing that these children were jealous, and upset that they weren't the ones being chosen. There was such a humble sweet beautiful spirit there. I would have taken them all home if I could have.

We finally got Nikki alone for about fifteen minutes. She let me put some makeup on her, and do her hair, while Vinny and Michael sat and talked about lead poisening and paint chips. Nikki seemed to understand how hot I was, (I was drenched) and tried to cool me with the little fan. I would ask her questions, Michael would translate, and she hardly said a word. She was content to just sit there and BE.

We came out of the room much too soon, and Vinny and I parted ways. I can't remember where Nikki took me - she showed me something, but when I came back to the main foyer, there sat my Sweetheart in the middle of the floor with all the children from the detsky dom . He he asked if anyone had any questions, and they all said "Dom". They wanted to see pictures of our house! We had made photo albums for the girls, so Vinny plopped down, and whipped the pictures out, and proceeded to show all the youth our home and surroundings. I was overcome. What a sweet simple gesture.

The children took us outside. They had very very old bathrooms. (of course). They showed us their "rooms". They were clean, but the beds were so so worn, and were nothing more than cots. Nikki clung to me the entire time. That was a story in and of itself. You see, we were the first Americans there since WW2 and the children (before we got there to visit her) had tried to tell Nikki that we wanted to sell her for body parts. In fact, it seems the whole village got involved in it. She was warned every which way possible. She was scared out of her wits, yet wanted so badly to believe that we were real, and really wanted her for her, and wanted to love her so very much. We were stunned when we heard the translation on that one!

The director invited us in for lunch. We went down very uneven clean concrete stairs. The "dining" arean was just a few rickety tables and a few old stools. I wondered where the kids ate. Did they eat on the floor as the grownups who cared for them ate at the tables? Adults, we were told, ate first. The table was laden with borsche, homemade bread, salad, sweet squash, rice, tea, tomato juice- some kind of hard cookie, and jam. It was filling. It was as if they went all out for us. I know they didn't eat like that every day. They are so thin over there. Maybe I should go live over there and eat borsche everyday!

After the kids took us back outside, they lined up on a swing and montioned me to sit with them. We tried to communicate - but I ended up just starting to sing - and they started laughing. So I got them to sing, and I watched as Fatima took over and basically ran the show. She really sang nice. Nikki sat right by me, holding onto me for dear life, and Svet sat on the other side. Natasha was no where to be found since the gift giving had been done. Well, I sang for them, and they dutifully appluaded. Then they sang again - and picked up the smallest, mattiest looking dog I have ever seen (in fact I've never seen a dog like that before) and told me through the translator the song had been about a dog.

We then took pictures of all of them, with promises to return tomorrow. Nikki did NOT want us to leave, and I did not want to leave her. She looked like the underdog, like someone whose voice didn't get heard much, and I didn't like that at all. I wanted her to have a voice. She needed to know how precious she was. I just felt so bad because we just did not get alone time with her because of so many other teenagers. But it had been a wonderful experience, and I wouldn't trade it.

We left- with promises to return tomorrow. Nikki waved to us until we could no longer see her.

Meeting Nikki for the first time

Today was the day!! This was the day of all days! As excited as I had been to meet my daughter Cami, I was just as excited to meet the little angel who had called me half way around the world. I breathed deep and tried to remained composed. I was just so darn excited!! It was a three hour drive from Stavropol to a little town called Bolsha Dohlgah. I remember Alex the driver driving ever so fast. We went out of the city, and suddendly we were just surrounded by nothing. It was if we had once again discovered a place that was so different, so old.. I really don't know how to explain it. But - it was interesting scenery, and there was certainly much to talk about on the way there, and talk we did. We talked about Cami- and the experience there. One of the experiences I forgot to write in the last blog was that in Cami's orphanage, before we left to take her for the day, we had been sitting waiting for her in a gymnasium. She was brought to us, and she was like a little monkey, climbing ropes, jumping here to there, and all very impressive. They had a very old piano in the room, and she went over and started to softly bang on it. I know - an oxymoron? But she was trying to be quiet because they didn't want her to play it. Well, me and my stubborness attitude... I walked over, and picked her up, sat her on my lap, and played "falling in love with you" I sang it to her ever so soft, and she listened so intently. She watched in fascination as my fingers went up and down on the piano - and then she tried to copy them. It was one of the sweetest moments I have ever had in my life. To this day, that song is me and Cami's song.

At any rate - talking of Cami - and being excited to see Nikki - was really exciting. I remember it being SO hot. The van didn't have an air conditioner in it, nor did the hotel. I had severe hot flashes and was very uncomfortable. My feet were getting swollen. The ride grew harder and harder. And then Suddenly. Another step back into time. We drove into a very small remote village. I felt like I was in the nineteen thirties or nineteen forties, or in some parts, in the musical, "Fiddler On the Roof"!

We saw big wagons overflowing with wheat, cows,donkeys etc. The women had old sunworn scarves on their heads. We pulled up to the orphanage, and I wasn't prepared at all for what was coming. Oh, let me go back a bit. On the way to the orphanage, Alex, our driver, informed us that Katja (Nikki) had two sisters!!!! THERE! We were dumbfounded and shocked beyond belief. We knew she had siblings by reading all her reports, but had no clue where they were at. We had repeatedly asked our adoption agency for information about them for about three or four months and they kept telling us that they had no idea where her sisters were. We were so taken back - I have a better word. I WAS ANGRY. Why didn't they tell us?? It left a lot of unanswered questions, and now, just as we were getting there, we get the biggest surprise of our trip.

The next thing that left me completely unprepared, was the children that came out. They were teenagers. TEENAGERS. We were greeted with a lot of curiousity. It was unfortunatly for me, very very hot. The building was so old, parts of it looked as if it were falling apart, or had been for quite some time. Many of the youth "checked us out". The building had cement floors - cement walls, it was void of pictures and smelled of aniseptic of some sort, and you could hear some noises from children far from us. The ones around us whispered and giggled and pointed. We were finally invited into the directors office. My little Nikki was already sitting there. My heart was captivated immediately. She was older looking and her hair had grown out from the pictures I have of her. She was so very small, but had the face of an angel! I held my arms out to her, and she came to me. She was very shy, but she cuddled right up on my lap. She had me hook, line and sinker. Compared to Cami - who is very headstrong, a leader, type A personality, stubborn, etc (I could already tell that), Nikki was very quiet, sweet, almost painfully shy. She had a hot wool skirt on, that was so so old. She had an old rag of a shirt on. My heart ached for her, she looked like a ragamuffin and rightfully so.

They finally took us to a room, and went and got Nikki's sisters, Svet, and Natasha. Both sisters have different fathers than Nikki from what the director said. Nikki isn't that close to either of them, but they wouldn't leave her side, and vice versa. In fact, Svet, who was about fifteen at the time, would put her arm through mine and call me "mamma". It broke my heart. Vinny and I had decided we didn't want to go over ten years of age, because of any problems of older children and the possibility of not being able to mold and teach them in a structuered family inviroment. At any rate, it still broke my heart. Natasha really didn't seem to care that we were there, other than the fact that we had a suitcase for Nikki. I tried to tell Michael, our translator to tell the girls that I did not know that they would be there or I would have brought things for them also. I did break up a few gifts of Nikki's between the two sisters, and they seemed to be happy with that, but obviously rightfully so, they were jealous.

I showed Nikki that I kept a picture of her around my neck in a locket, and she smiled so sweet. She didn't talk for awhile, just "dah" (yes) to any questions. She had the cutest little voice ever. It was lower and sleepy sounding, adding to her charm. Vinny left the room so she could change into one of her new outfits. I was delighted to hear her jabber and just talk like crazy. I would point and show her things, and she would talk like she was ansewring back. She changed into her new clothes, without hesitation or reservation. She loved her cookie monster undershirt as did Cami when I gave her one. It was so cute though, she didn't seem to understand that this was to go on under a shirt, and so everytime I would hand her a top, she would take of the cookie monster shirt, and then I would say "nyet" (no) and she would put it back on - we were laughing so. Finally - I just let her keep the undershirt on - it was so hot out anyways, it probably felt so good after that woolen skirt she had on.

I had been sweating profusely the whole day. I almost felt like I was having a little bit of heat exhaustion. I had brought a little fan, battery operated, and hand held to help me cool down some. Nikki was entranced by it. Also - both girls had been given new shoes. Cami's had lit up on the sides. When I had gone to help Nikki put her shoes on, I caught my breath. The poor little waif had the worst bunions I have ever seen on ANYONE. Her poor little feet were so bad. I later found out when she was able to communicate, that she was forced to wear shoes that never fit her, and got used to not saying anything (the quiet girl that she was) She just sat back and never said anything - but they didn't have a lot of shoes anyways. I did find out later (and you will find that out in new posts) that some children were very A personality and got what they wanted, and made sure they were the "survivor" ones. Nikki had just let herself fall to the wayside, as if it didn't matter to her what she wanted. For once I let her know that it was OK and that I wanted her to have the world. She meant that much to me.

And off we go!

WOW. Stavropol. It is a beautiful but poor city. It is about the size of Orem, Utah. As you around, it seems familiar, yet distant. There was so much to take in. The spelling on the doors (the shops) the streets. All around, people were walking.

We had a nice hotel room. We looked out the window and watched. It was busy in the morning, and people were going to work. All the women were nicely dressed. But, as we had found out as soon as we got there, everyone did not smell the sweetest. They needed money for bread more than they needed it for deoderant.

We went down to eat our breakfast. It was in the hotel itself. Many people were staring at the "American's". We really didn't know what to order, so we tried to smile and point - and they tried to smile and point back. I think we had some kind of coupon that we got to use for the breakfast, and soon our food was on the way. This is where I thought I was really in Russia.
They served us weird colored, light hot dog? for breakfast. With eggs and toast. I gagged at the hot dog. I couldn't believe they were serving it at breakfast, and yet, we were in a different country. We had also been warned not to drink the water. We bought all water in bottles, or soft drinks in bottles.

After the meal, we went up to the room and started the waiting game. We had to sit there and wait for Alex, our coordinator to call us in our room and tell us it was ok for the orphanage where Vika was, that they would finally allow us to come and see her.
When we were finally summoned, we were excited. We took the luggage I had packed for her, and got in the van with so much excitement and anticipation.

We got to the Detsky Dom (the orphanage) and started to play another waiting game. Several woman who seemed rather brisk looked us up and down, sometimes disapprovingly. I strongly believe it was because someone had been there before to get this litte child and did not follow through on it, and they didn't want it to happen again. They didn't know they had met their match. That child was MINE!! As Vinny had once called his baby sister, this little child was "me mine all mine!".

Vika. Vika whose name we would change to Camilla. So, I will call her Cami from here on out. You will get the specifics on all the girls names later. But let me tell you about Cami.

Cami was absolutely STUNNING. She was beautiful. She was a bit reserved, no one could blame her for that. She had somewhat of a cough that day. Her hair was longer than we had seen in one of her pictures. In one of the first pictures we had ever seen of her, her head had been shaved like a marine, and you could still tell how beautiful she was. Now, it was short, boyish, and she was a doll.

Her orphanage seemed to be like some sort of a run down pre-school. Little did we know that after we saw Nikki's orphanage, Cami's orphanage would seem to be a high class pre-school. We did a little walk through, and though we were not permitted to see much that first day, we were there!! We had been told we would not be allowed to take Cami from the grounds of the orphanage. That really disappointed us. We would only be there for three days total to see her, and they would not let us take her that day? For shame! So, they sat us in some sort of gymnasium, and we waited.

Suddenly, one of the personnel came in. After an exchange of Russian barrage of words, our translator turned to us.
"They are going to let you take Cami today after all" he said. WHAT?? We were floored! Something we originally were told no was now about to happen.

They brought Cami to me, and she immediatly climbed on my lap. She was so sweet, and seemed very tenderhearted. So small for a six year old. So thin. I felt to sing to her, and so I did. Then we went in some rooms, and talked to a lot of Dr's and phychlogists, and they asked us many questions as to why we wanted her and not another child there. We were very astute in our answers. I answered completely and openly from my heart. Finally, it seemed as if they were somewhat satisfied in the answers we had given them. They almost ordered us that when we took her for the short time we would be allowed to have her that day, she would have to take a nap. It was a daily routine she was accustomed to. They ushered Cami into the room.

We bundled her up in our arms, and got in the van. We first went with Michael and Alex, to a little restaurant, to get a bite to it. Cami seemed ok, but a bit distant. It was an outside eating venue, and we soon were whisked away to the hotel for some much needed time with Cami. We got a wonderful surprise, when we found out that Alex and Micheal were not going to stay and chaperone as we thought they would be. Cami came into the room with us. She seemed so happy.. and you should have seen her face, as she went through her luggage and found all of her new clothes. She was so excited, she loved her "jeans". Most of all, she loved her barbies. She was fascinated with our cell phones, (although they didn't work in Russia, we had taken them so we could call our family as soon as we got back on US soil). Vinny soon had her playing a game of pretend talking on phone ("here the phone is for you" " no, here, the phone is for you") and she seemed to be having a great time.

Then Cami opened the bathroom door. Her eyes grew as big as dollar bills when she saw my makeup out. She was enthralled. She ran to it, and started jabbering. We have it all on video. She put that makeup on like she was a pro. Kinda scary in a way, because she was only six, but it was so so cute! She had SO much on, and she was just talking and talking and talking. She was in heaven. Oh, the joy of being six and finding makeup!

When she came out of the bathroom, Cami suddendly spied my medication that I had to have on my trip with me. She literally freaked out. She started to repeat "Detsky Dom" over and over and over again. She was crying almost hysterically. We didn't know what to do to calm her down. Somewhere in my mind, I wondered if she had been given some meds that she had absolutely hated , and she was scared to death. She has such a little girl high pitch voice, and her screams got louder and louder. I think she finally realized for the first time she was alone with us. She was scared and frightened. I felt so bad for her. We finally had to go get one of the maids from the hotel to talk to her and calm her down somewhat. We didn't know what they said to her, but they were kind and we were re-assured. I took Cami in and showed her a big scar on my foot, ( I had surgery before we had gone over to Russia) and tried to show her that the meds were for my feet. She seemed to be calm and seemed to understand that the meds were mine and not to be given to her.

Finally Alex and his wife Luba showed up. They took us to the "Zoo". The Zoo was the poorest looking thing I have ever been to. The animals were sickly looking. It was so hot there. It was very humid and filled with mosquitoes and sick looking trees. There was even a sick looking dog in the Zoo. Hardly any animals, yet we tied a balloon to Cami's wrist and let her look. She was fascinated with the animals.

While we were walking through the trees, in the middle of the forest, the Zoo, the "carnival" if you must, my mouth dropped to the ground. I saw ELDERS!!!!!! Elders from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! I was overjoyed. We went to them and they were as surprised to see us as we were to see them!!! It was a wonderful time, and I was so glad to see the Lord's work progressing over there. Who would have thought that we would have found missionaries over there?? What a treat for us.

We finally dropped Cami back off at the orphanage and had a chance to meet all the little ones whom she associated with. They hugged and kissed us and called us momma and poppa. Talk about breaking your heart. They all wanted to come with us. I knew Cami was our daughter, but Good Grief!! Why or don't more people adopt?? And why does it just have to be babies?? There are so so many little kids everywhere that need a good home. Unfortunately, there is so much red tape, that a lot of people just give up. And that to me is unjustified. Shame on the system. Give the kids a home - full of love! At any rate, as we left, watching Cami with her peers, we heard them all chanting "Vika, Vika, Vika." She stood there clutching a fistful of all day suckers we had bought for all the children, and by the look on her face, and the grip of her hand, they weren't going to go anywere.

We didn't want to leave, but our first day with Cami had ended.

On the way to Stavropol

We woke up the next morning filled with a lot of anticipation and apprehention. It was the day to fly to Stavropol. We hurridly packed and got ready for our chauffer and translator Sergey to come and pick us up. He drove us to Red Square and the to Lenins tomb! We saw the cathedrals, the changing of the guards. We still can't believe we are in Russia. We never in our wildest dreams thought we would be on this soil. There are apts everywhere instead of homes. The city is much bigger than I thought it would be. We toured with Surgey for about five hours.

I will never forget the images seared in my brain.The soldiers were young, not much older than Morgan's age. All the woman to my surprise, were dressed very, very nice, almost to the point of revealing. They had very pointed shoes, almost like that of an elf. We took a lot of pictures. It sees everyone smokes. Men kiss each other square on the mouth, like lovers, only it's just "salutations" or "goodbyes". It is such a melting pot there. Every nation, every culture, walking together. I never thought Moscow would be like that at all.

When we made it to the second airport for our trip to Stavropol, it was unbelievable. It looked like a run down military camp. Stark- dark, and quiet. Not many people. However, we had to walk outside the termial and wait for a bus to drive us to the waiting plane. That was quite a shock - so different from here in the United States. It was then that my heart stopped and stood still for a moment. They boarded us onto a plane that was the oldest, third world country, gutted out 707 without seatbelts or overhead compartments. Going business class from Washington DC to Moscow was so nice - much leg room and pillows, blankets and three course meals.

This 707 was so old. It was so hot. My so called "seatbelt" was broken - and my chair was in a reclining position. Fortunatly, I slept a lot. When we landed, it was on the darkest runway/ aeroport I could imagine. No lights. No anything. It was just like the movies. I was waiting for the KGB to come out or something. The hair on the back of my neck was standing up. It was SO quiet. They just let us off of the plane and a group of us walked the darkened runway to a building, ( a terminal?) where we waited in the dark for our luggage. Nobody talked. It's like an unspoken word not to say anything there, people are afraid to talk there.

There - we met Alex,our adoption coordinator, Michael, our translator, and another Alex that was to be our chauffer.
Tonight we are exhausted once again. Tomorrow we get to meet Vika for the first time.

On our way to see the two bugs, Nikki and Cami

On the plane, going to Moscow, I delved into the paperwork that I had received regarding Vika. It had so much information in it - I couldn't believe it. I literaly was reading my soon to be daughter's life story. I had it in my hand. She had a Grandmother who cared for her - and she loved her dearly. Vika had been terribly abused, and was such a little survivor. I felt tears well up again and again as I read the information about her. The most disturbing info was why these people didn't want her. At that time, they had gone to see her, and had taken her clothing, had their first visit, everything - then changed their mind. All I could think about was Vika. Did that hurt her? Was she too young to know the difference?

The plane ride was long. So long and tiresome. But what a thrill when we landed in Moscow. The walk down into the airport was amazing unto itself. The ceiling looked like upside down coffee cans. There were about five hundred people that were standing, waiting to go through passports. It was hushed. Kinda weird. We were packed like sardines, and it was hot and miserable. We stood there about three hours before we were ushered through one of five people who checked the passports.
We finally made it through, There to greet us was the man who was to be our translator and chauffer in Moscow. He helped us with our bags, and helped us to a car. He spoke broken english, and was so nice. Very kind and likeable. He helped us get to our hotel, which was the Marriott. We were exhausted, but excited. There were so many cars, going as fast as they liked, and we were one of them. HA! It was amazing to me that we made it there.

We got to our room FINALLY, after going through a long ordeal again with the passports, (which we would find to be the norm) and settled down for a nap - or sleep of some kind. Vinny fell asleep immediately. But sleep didn't come easily to me, as I knew the next day we would be on another plane headed to Stavropol, Russia. My thoughts were flying. I still thought of the girls, and I had their pictures clutched in my hand. I looked at their faces, and tried to breathe deep. I was there. I was THERE. The thought of it all was overwhelming, and I said a prayer of thanksgiving that we had made it there safe, and laid down and tried to get some rest. It didn't come - but I did try.

After a bit, we got up and decided to walk around a bit. Before we came to Russia, we were told not to really look like "American's" and just blend in. Well, that was almost impossible, because I had my Russion Dictionary Handbook for Dummy's with me, and another dictionary that translated. I tried very hard to use some of my new found language that I had picked up, but most of all, it was funny. The people we met were very good to us. Changing money was weird. You would go to a "window" where you couldn't see anyone, put your money in - and you could see hands changing your money into Russian currency, and handing it back out to you. What a weird ATM. Sometimes you would have to go in little buildings to do that. All in all, it was a new experience, one never to be forgotton.

Time to go back and eat. As we sat in the restaurant, we met a couple who told us a horror story about how long they had been there to adopt a baby girl they had with them, and all the money and extra time it had cost, and the red tape, and honestly it scared me to death. The man was on his way home the next day, the woman was staying with the baby she had thought she was taking home the week before, and she didn't know how long she would be there. I can't say that I wasn't frightened after that conversation. WOW. Was this too much?

With much anticipation AND trepidition, we went to our room and went to bed. Tomorrow would come soon, and we would be on our way to meet two little girls.

Another bug

Vinny was true to his word. Fifteen minutes later he showed up at the door. I was still sitting there, gazing at this waif of a girl, a six year old little gir, who looked frightened beyone description. Terrified was more the word. Vinny walked over to the computer. He stared and didn't say anything. Finally, breaking the silence, the question was different this time. "Do you think she could love ME?" he asked? Then, taking my hand, we knelt down right there at the computer chair, and offered up a prayer. This time it was different. We asked if we thought if taking on another child was too much. We asked if taking a child that young would work. We didn't really know what to pray for, we just knew we had to pray.

As we got up from our prayer, we both received confirmation at the same time, that this tiny little child was to become ours. I instantly picked up the phone and called the adoption agency. I have to interject here, that the site I was looking at for adoption, showed many many sites that had different adoption agencies. We had no clue if this little girl belonged to our agency. If she didn't, we would not be able to adopt her, because it would just be too difficult to start a process all over again and go through another waiting period for another child.

The phone rang, and someone answered at the other end. I was absolutely stunned (as were they) when they told me they had just put the picture of Vika (Victoria) up fifteen minutes ago!!! Was she available?? I listened in unbelieveable silence as they told me the story.

Vika, it seemed, had a family that had gone over to adopt her. They had made their first visit. But, after the initial visit, they decided they didn't want her!! They didn't want her???? My heart broke when I heard that. I asked if we could start the adoption procedures immediately. They were very hesitant, because it was late in the day, and she had just been posted. So, we reached a compromise. They told me to call back first thing in the morning, and they would let me know, when their supervisor got in.

All night I kept looking at that picture, along with Katja (Ekatarina) and wondered what I was getting myself into. One, was ok. And she was nine. But six?? Was I sure?? And I had just found her that night!! Was I crazy?? We prayed and we felt the spirit whisper to us that we were to proceed with this.

The next morning, at about nine am, I started calling the agency again. I was dumbfounded when I was told that during four thirty pm and five pm the evening before, and starting at eight am that morning, about seventy people had called wanting her. She was blonde and hazel eyed, something that American's really wanted. But, because I had called fifteen minutes after she had been posted, they decided to "wait" for me to see if I still wanted her in the morning! Did I? they asked? I was so happy, I cried. Of course I did.

So, we started another long ordeal because this little girl called to us. She was in Stavropol. My question was this. Could we go see her at the same time?? Of course the agency had no answers - except for the ones they had given us with Nikki. She might not be there, she might be gone, yadda yadda yadda. But we pressed on, determined not to be discouraged.

We soon discovered that we would be allowed to see Vika when we went to see Nikki. We were on cloud nine!! Of course - there was paper work galore, and we were somewhat disgusted with everything that we ended up having to do. Money this, money that, paper this, paper that. It was so time consuming, and if you didn't have everything just right, they would make you do everything all over again. Sometimes, even if you had everything all right, they would make you do it all over again anyways. We were exhausted before we even went.

The big day came. We were finally allowed to get our passports and travel to Moscow and then on to Stavropol. There are no words to even describe the way we were feeling. We had been asked by our agency to take take some papers to Stavropol with us, to give to the agency over there, for other children who were being adopted by them, We agreed. They sent us the papers, and off we went. Just before we reached the airport, one of the top folders fell open, and much to my surprise, there was a letter from the lady who had been in Stavropol to adopt Vika!! We couldn't believe it. She had to write a letter telling the Russian Federation why she didn't want to go through the adoption. She was from Utah (of all places) and there was a phone number for her. Of course I wrote it down. I felt like this was divine intervention so I could get information on a little girl who was about to become my daughter.

And that will continue to be another story...

Nikki

The year was 2004. Vinny and I already had eight kids between the two of us. Morgan was getting ready for his last year of high school. He was the last one standing. Dang it felt good. So - a life of ease and comfort sounded pretty darn good. Until...

We happened to be on the internet one day - and I was looking at some pictures of an orphanage in Stavropol, Russia. As I was going through the pictures, just looking and my heart aching for these children, suddendly I saw this girl. A beautiful girl with haunting eyes. She looked so scared and unsure. I could not look away from those eyes. Vinny and I had known a family that had adopted two little boys from Russia - but they were babies. And we were older. So, I had thought I would take a look. But to find that little girl that fast - was something that I really didn't expect.

The first thing I did was to call Vinny up from his office. At the time, he worked from home. I showed him the picture of this little girl - nine year old "Katja". He looked at her. And then he looked at me. "Could you love her?" he asked? The question burned deep into my heart. Could I? I kept looking at her, with tears in my eyes, pretty sure right then that I already did. Love is a funny thing you know. It can grab you by the heart when you are least expecting it.

Vinny and I really started talking seriously about adopting. I kept looking at that little girl every day. We told our grown children, and got mixed reviews. "Oh, you are too old", we were told. Others told us that we had enough kids and didn't need anymore. All were valid points, and we listened to all. One earnestly told us that they would support us through anything we wanted to do.

So, we started to pray. And to fast. We prayed and fasted for a long time. We went to the Temple and poured our hearts out to Heavenly Father about adoption. We started wondering if we were talking ourselves into something. And then the miracle came.

We were sitting in church a few Sundays later, and it was a combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting. We were watching a video. President Hinckley was speaking, and it was all about adoption!! Most of it was about babies, but he ended it with something like "if you have room in your hearts to adopt, and the means to do so - I would encourage all that can to adopt."

Vinny and I sat there with tears streaming down our faces. We had been told. Now, it was time to find out if that hauntingly
beautiful girl on the computer was real, if she was really up for adoption. We started calling the adoption agency listed the next day. They carefully explained that the picture was maybe a year old, and maybe someone had already adopted her, and it could be possible that she was just there for a camera picture to show that children are there for adoption.

I knew different. I felt it in my heart. Many nights, as I looked at her, my heart would literally ache, wondering -is she cold, is she hungry? Did she have a bed to sleep in?? She was so thin in her picture, and even though they had tried to "dress her up" with a dress and a doll, you could tell the conditions around her were not good. I worried over her.

We started the adoption proceedings. We knew that this was going to be a long journey. We were told it would take up to two years at the longest. And - at worst, we could get there, and she would be gone. The prayers to Heavenly Father were daily and intense on her behalf.

Then, another miracle. Somehow, someone at the adoption agency got someone from Russia to send some more pictures of this little girl!! We were so excited!! They told us to be cautious, but we threw caution to the wind, and we delighted in the pure joy of seeing more of her! We also noticed that there were a few pictures of her that showed her with another girl. We had no clue who that was, but we were so happy to see this little girl.

We talked about names for her. If the adoption went through, would she want to change her name? We were already calling her Nikki. I don't know why - we just were. She was our Nikki bug, and thats all there was to it.

So the real test started. Paper work and paper work and paper work. It was unending and unnerving. There were times we honestly felt like giving up - there was so much red tape on BOTH sides of the two countries. The money involved was ridiculous, and everyone and their attorney wanted paycheck after paycheck after payckheck. Sometimes it was a pure mess, and required all day work. Vinny had the brunt of this part of the operation, and I stood by his side and cheered him on. We carefully tried to make sure every single paper was done correctly, but at times got very discouraged, because they would send papers back to us. Who were "they"? The government, the agency, the Russian Federation. All over a little nine year old girl who just needed a family to love her. What had we gotton ourselves into?

The process had started in March. We really pushed and pushed the agency. I think they got tired of my endless calls.. reminding them of this or that, or asking impatienly for things I knew they couldn't do for me right then. I was like a lion, trying to protect her cubs.

We were finally told that sometime in June or July we would be able to fly over there for our first visit to Russia to see the orphanges. They were VERY careful to explain that maybe Nikki would not be there, that there would be many orphanages to see, and many children to choose from. We would be flying into Moscow, and from there take a three hour flight into Stavropol, Russia. From there, we would drive a three hour drive to a town called Bohlsha Dolhgah. We were delirious with joy. FINALLY! And March to June was NOT a long time. Our friends who had adopted the two little boys were amazed. They didn't get their first trip for months and months. Through our journey with the adoption agency we had met other couples adopting, and they had been waiting a very long time. They were all shocked and happy at our news!

I went on a wild spending spree, buying clothes for this nine year old who looked like she was six. I bought shoes. I had no idea what size she was - so I guessed. I bought her some toys.. some hair pieces, and things like that. I was on cloud nine. I was already starting to pack, and we weren't even leaving for about six weeks.

So, six weeks before we left, as usual, I was sitting on the internet looking at this sweet angel's face again, and suddenly, out of no where, (literally) up popped this tiny, beautiful, scared to death, blonde, hazel eyed six year old. She had bruises everywhere. I gasped. The poor thing looked like she wanted to bolt. Like she trusted no one. "Get off the computer, Dana", my mind said... but I couldn't. All I could do was call Vinny. He would be home in fifteen minutes he said.

And that.. starts a whole different story.